Pandemic Diary 2020

In response to a Book Riot and Out of the Box essay on documenting the personal experiences of the pandemic, this timeline will also be in correlation to the ongoing authoritarian threat from the Trump-Republican regime. Any and all essays on the subjects will be posted here as links.


  • Thursday, 16-Jul-2020 20:00:00 UTC

    The United States government is trying to kill us. Or at least maim us. If not that then bankrupt us. How else can anyone justify the blatant incompetence in allowing 130k+ people to die, starve, untold businesses to bankrupt, and the country to crash and burn?

    This is a culling and reboot.

    In January 2017, Steve Bannon said they were going to burn it all down. There was uproar and dismissal.

    Yet, here we are.

  • Friday, 17-Jul-20 11:00:00 UTC

    An early morning at 4AM. What is sleep. I haven’t slept well since I spent the wee hours of 9-Nov-2016 dry heaving my terror. Who can sleep when the world burns.

    Updates from Portland: Unmarked federal armed soldiers are disappearing protesters off the streets without the expressed permission of state officials in the guise of what DHS Act-Sec calls protecting property and community.

    Remember how all that turned out for Germany, huh?

    There are some disputing that Portland Mayor Tom Wheeler is feigning anger for political theater and that he’s collaborating with the Feds—aka the Gestapo according to the latest Twitter trend. And here I was calling ICE the new Gestapo years ago. Guess I wasn’t thinking big enough.

    Meanwhile, the White House started removing and transferring data from the CDC to HHS. In other words, they’re trying to hide the dead and hospitalized.

    Can you say transparency, boys and girls?

    According to Robert Reich: “New York’s billionaire class saw their collective net worth grow by $77,300,000,000 since the start of the pandemic. For context, the state’s budget deficit for 2020 and 2021 is $13,300,000,000.” #EatTheRich or at least TAX THEM.

    Protesters still protesting and police still brutalizing. #DefundThePolice

    Personally, I started wearing my mask even when I go for a daily walk now even though I rarely encounter anyone. I haven’t gone out not once this month and only a few times since the lockdown began; that was only to the grocery store and always—ALWAYS with a mask and gloves.

    Stay safe, y’all. ✌️

  • Friday, 17-Jul-20 17:40:04 UTC

    After watching this—’White House press secretary Kayleigh McEnany on school reopenings: “The science should not stand in the way of this.”’ I recalled this quote from George Orwell’s Facing Unpleasant Facts: Narrative Essays: “Nazi theory indeed specifically denies that such a thing as “the truth” exists. There is, for instance, no such thing as “science.” There is only “German science,” “Jewish science” etc.”

  • Saturday, 18-Jul-20 14:18:35 UTC

    John Lewis died—a Civil Rights Hero; Rest in Power, Brother; we will continue fighting your fight till death and keep up the good trouble. 139,278 people have died of COVID-19 in the United States; (Should I say murdered? Because that’s what it feels like); there are 3,649,087 people infected in the United States alone; “Every 15 minutes, 1,000 people are infected by Covid in the US and 5 people die from it. We have to get the virus under control—and fast,” according to Dr. Tom Frieden. Nearly half the United States population is without a job. Justice Ginsburg’s cancer has returned; every time her name trends, my heart seizes—EVERY FUCKING TIME. In Portland, Oregon, the Trump-Republican Administration’s Secret Police Force is brutalizing and disappearing people. And this morning, after a very rare really good night of sleep and in the midst of a mediocre dream, I woke and sat straight up in bed to the loud jarring sounds of a bush trimmer as it went full throttle right under my window—early on a Saturday morning.

    Everything is awful.

  • Sunday, 19-Jul-20 14:01:12 UTC

    When the lockdown started, a neighbor brought us handmade masks—fashionable fabric and very nice. We previously had lightweight store-bought masks for dusting (this is a lake town and you wouldn’t believe how dusty it gets here) and that other plague that visits every spring in the south that looks like Japanese Matcha Green Tea coating everything. We have several boxes of plastic gloves because of home hospice and gramma—who has now been gone since that long dreaded year this all began. Another neighbor brought us a gallon of Vitamin D Whole Milk she couldn’t use. Apparently she was one of those that bought too much at the onset (remember the twitter pic of the woman with 10-20 gallons of milk in her buggy that went viral? That wasn’t her but what single person buys more than a gallon of milk thinking they can drink it all before it expires??). I cannot stand the stuff and don’t drink it and haven’t for decades. I gave it to mom who was very appreciative. She’s one of those people that reveres cow’s milk going on and on about it ad nauseam. I’m constantly rolling my eyes on how much she venerates that stuff. It’s bizarre. She drank it till it went bad, which, she says, is usually 3-4 days past the expiry date.

  • Monday, 20-Jul-20 19:23:31 UTC

    My elderly mother has thankfully chosen to err on the side of caution and finds—like me—the hubris in the face of nature and the callous disregard of care for the collective somewhat disturbing. They are tempting fate or god, she would say; me, the universe. Better a mask then a defibrillator, we both agree.

    In response to Gov. Mike Parson saying “These kids have got to get back to school…. And if they do get COVID-19, which they will — and they will when they go to school — they’re not going to the hospitals…. They’re going to go home and they’re going to get over it.” My response: I’m not surprised. I wonder though how parents are gonna react to the Republican-Trump administrations’ callous disregard for the welfare of their children. I mean some voters have demonstrated that it’s ok when it’s other people’s kids, but what about their own. Is this like a generational boot-strap ‘I walked 3 miles in 4 ft of snow to school in barefeet’ sort of toughening up attitude that older generations belabor into us young’uns? ‘I survived coronavirus with only 1 lung; now you can too. Toughen up, you snowflake millennials.’

    Given & assuming that they believe anyone under 70 is a snowflake millennial, that is.

    And what about the people the kids go home too? The teachers and staff? The bus drivers?


    Usually there is some political spin in regards to Republicans attempting to deflect from their callous disregard. It has become blatant in the time of Trump—sociopathically blatant.

    This report out of Texas of “…ants crawling over critically ill patients…” is horrifying.

    Please think of others. Be selfless. ✌️

  • Tuesday, 21-Jul-20 19:16:12 UTC

    Even before the pandemic, people wanted to drift into my personal space like I was a magnet—I dunno why. The first two times after lockdown I went to the grocery store appropriately masked and gloved, an older woman charged with helping the self checkout lane, got way too close and I started backpedaling away slowly as not to offend. Well, then the crazy peepo turned into even crazier peepo with cooties spitting and hollering up in folks’ face and I decided not to be polite anymore if and when subject to such actions. Fortunately, I’ve not been reduced to that as people have properly backed off. I haven’t gone out that much though. I’m also fortunate enough to work from home if only part-time and barely above minimum wage w/o benies. Regardless, social distancing and no touching when greeting should be the new normal—along with no small talk but that’s another issue altogether. Stay safe. ✌️

  • Wednesday, 22-Jul-20 18:16:33 UTC

    Oorah 2020. #GloryHoles #Canada That’s it. That’s the post. Have fun diving into that Twitter hashtag.

  • Thursday, 23-Jul-20 19:49:34 UTC

    4 million reported coronavirus cases. One million cases in 16 days.

    This AOC speech is legendary. I hope I live—I hope we ALL live to see her President. Especially Mr. Yoho.

    Big fat military helos flew low overhead today. Being 30 miles out of CLT & under a busy flight path, we get the air traffic pollution but THAT was jarring. Meanwhile, Operation Legend is dropping the Trump-Barr-Republican Admins’ Secret Police in cities around the country. I have zero fucks to give for the people that complain about me saying I fucking told you so. #Fascism is here. And BTW, the first draft of that Operation Legend Wikipedia page is garbage—using a child’s murder as an excuse and propaganda for the fascist takeover of cities is…is…[insert GIF of Munch’s The Scream].

  • Saturday, 25-Jul-20 13:30:46 UTC

    There are some days I cannot drag myself out for a daily walk. I did not yesterday. I will not today. Nor tomorrow. I will do it Monday. Always Monday. Weekdays are mandatory.

    Except for last Friday. 🥴️

    Having had clinical depression and survived—sorta, I know that daily habits restore and form the foundation to alleviate the chaos of entropy; this to bolster ease and peace for a modicum of normalcy.

    Whatever normal is—I’ve really never known it personally. 😳

    In the words of Alica Florrick: “It’s the superficial things that matter most right now.”

    I’m hitting 50 this year. Self-care is a big part of my overall mental health care. I find myself in the unusual position of being vain at the end of the world focusing on my beauty regime. I can’t protest for health reasons and protecting my elderly mother; normally, I’d be marching if I still lived in Raleigh. Alas, I’m stuck here in one of the very white, rich (we are not), ‘somewhat conservative’ suburbs along the I77 corridor to Charlotte, seizing on that modicum of normalcy. Besides discounted Kindle books, I look for big Clinique 30% off sales and lots of free samples mostly for cleaning and moisturizing my face. I’ve rarely worn makeup for the last ten years and my morning habits consisted of splashing cold water on my face, at best. I tried and love the Clinique Vitamin C Fresh Pressed products including the powdery cleanser and serums along with the moisturizing jelly and the Pep-Start Eye Cream. It’s restorative, energizing—I cannot get enough of the stuff. I also love the Clinique Pep-Start™ 2-in-1 Exfoliating Cleanser on the days I don’t use the powder cleanser, which I have to add is not the most environmentally-friendly packaging. I try and stretch the products out because of cost; this is a way of life for us poor lower income folks, like making the last bit of toothpaste in the tube last for four weeks along with eating food way past their expiry dates. This beauty routine has become something that makes me content and brings a fraction of serenity to my existence. That and my new electric toothbrush. More on that later.

    The Trump-Republican secret police are MERCS. The stand against fascism in Portland grows. Apparently martial law is next. Timothy Snyder—whose book On Tyranny is a must read—lists “principles for the preservation of freedom” in a series of tweets.

    Today and tomorrow are rest days. Sit in silence. Listen to the birds. Take deep breaths through the nose and clear those thoughts. 😘✊

  • Sunday, 26-Jul-20 13:22:30 UTC

    At the beginning of the lockdown, I expected certain people, especially extroverts, to wig out due to all of the forced solitude—just not so gravely. I suspect a lot of families living in smaller abodes are craving solitude right about now, especially from kids. Reading Leslie Jamison’s Since I became Symptomatic was painful. I can see where this is clearly gonna do long-term mental harm to lots of folks. To attribute all this bizarre pandemic behavior to only a certain subset of people though excuses all the actual stupid people and psychos that do the most damage to society. I also acknowledge that much of this bizarre behavior reflects an unconscious reactive mental trauma to everything converging on us at once—some sort of cognitive dissonance to the shock and stress of it all. It’s not like we were already not stressed enough as it was. I didn’t think the behavior would be so extreme though. I read historical accounts of the 1918 flu and how something similar happened then, but again, not this extreme. As a society, the pandemic has exposed manifestations of greater endemic problems. I expect the deluge of 24-hour media (specifically Fox News) and the long-term effects of individualism have done lots of damage; whiteness and entitlement seem to be yet more pernicious symptoms; systemic racism, white supremacy, wealth inequality, lack of health care—both mental and physical—poor education, and on and on. This does not bode well for us as a country and our politicians certainly aren’t doing much for us except collecting a paycheck while telling us that giving us too much of our tax money will harm us—the nerve. Defecating and pissing in the floor of a business (I’m not linking to it) when asked to put on a mask so that you’ll not harm others feels more than a tad extreme and unhealthy; that’s not even the first account of this type of behavior when people—the majority white—are asked to wear masks to protect others. Wear a mask is the equivalent to don’t drink and drive—why do people have a problem with it?

  • Wednesday, 29-Jul-20 21:47:24 UTC

    It’s enough to get out of bed lately. I’m behind on writing, trying to catch up. I’m avoiding social media as much as I can and still keep my sanity and be informed. The news is not good. Things are bad and getting worse. Watching excerpts of AG Barr’s testimony was infuriating so I limited that viewing. The corruption pervasive so much so it’s overwhelming. I don’t understand people that witness all that he, Trump-Republicans and pals have done and still wanna vote for them again. It’s ugly. They’re evil and I normally don’t throw around that word lightly. I’m not enthused about Biden. Never have been. I’m tired of old white men especially his blitheness about the past and his moderate to conservative record and wanting to work with Republicans—really? REALLY?!? The 21st century and beyond should belong to women. I’ll vote for Biden though grinding teeth as I do hoping that Trump et al go quietly without further damaging what’s already probably damaged beyond repair. Tillis had the nerve to send someone to my house. I gave him blunt answers without being rude. He was young and white and asked what the greatest threat to our country was? THE PRESIDENT AND REPUBLICANS. Are you interested in distance health-care? NO. I WANT UNIVERSAL HEALTH CARE BECAUSE I HAVE NO HEALTH CARE AND HAVEN’T HAD ANY IN YEARS. As he went to leave, he looked like he was gonna hand me a Tillis placard and I gave him my ultimate bitch face. He abruptly left muttering a thank you.

  • Friday, 31-Jul-20 12:12:07 UTC

    “Though I may not be here with you, I urge you to answer the highest calling of your heart and stand up for what you truly believe. In my life I have done all I can to demonstrate that the way of peace, the way of love and nonviolence is the more excellent way. Now it is your turn to let freedom ring.” — John Lewis

    Can nonviolence be enough? It never has in the past. Some say nonviolence protects colonialism, white supremacy, and the ruling class for some neoliberal world order where the have not’s are greater in number than the have’s—purposefully. Everything in this statement fits. I said multiple times that ever since the Panama Papers leaked, the entire world has been upside down like it was a catalyst for rich people to reign in & reduce what little power they’ve allowed us. Include President Obama’s presidency—a Black man in power—to that as well; even if his presidency failed to live up to the many expectations we progressives had for it, he still inspire(d/s) us.

    Reverend James Lawson, at John Lewis’ funeral, called out ‘plantation capitalism’—I stood, clapped, and yelled. President Obama declared the filibuster ‘a Jim Crow relic’ and I hollered a ‘yes, sir!’. Like Elie, I randomly weep when that man speaks. He’s by far the best president I’ve had in my lifetime; still, he had his issues—as imperfect as this union, he probably would say, I’m sure and I respect that. My political philosophy though has always been to consistently and relentlessly question those in power and their decisions. That philosophy will never change, for anyone, especially for those I regard who have the power to persuade—most especially for them. That’s why I’m not a Democrat or a Republican. I don’t trust either party; Republicans less so than Democrats. I’m also pragmatic.

    Well, yesterday, it happened. Trump tweeted about delaying the presidential election. We knew this was coming ever since he came down that escalator. We yelled and screamed and warned y’all repeatedly. I saw many instances and heard bad things about Donald Trump since I was a teenager in the 80’s including his outright racism and horrifying demand that the Black kids in the Central Park jogger case be executed. There has always been rumors he was mixed up with the mob and corrupt as fuck. But still, y’all didn’t vote or had to vote for him cause of the emails lady and misogyny and here we are. Thanks for that. /sarcasm

  • Saturday, 01-Aug-20 16:45:08 UTC

    Masks are like underwear; you need more than one; if not, y’all need to wash the one ya have. All those icky germs and body fluids. I started wearing a mask while walking because it seemed not only statistically and scientifically logical but ethical—plus this article. I don’t, however, wear that mask constantly while walking; I pull it down occasionally to my neck. Why? One, I rarely encounter anyone, and two, it gets all sweaty and smothering under there and I sweat a lot and have a sensitive nose; harsh smells disrupt my equilibrium sometimes making me physically ill—yeah, seriously. This is uncomfortable, and yet, I will not stop wearing my mask, especially around people. Why? Infecting someone is harming them, their family, their friends, and anyone they come in contact with aka society; harming someone is not moral nor ethical and hurts me more. Call it hypersensitivity or being a snowflake—whatever; I ain’t gonna harm someone and not wearing a mask may infect someone thus harming them. Does any of that make sense? Okay, now, we can discuss the gray area of the smells and the smothering and where and when one should wear masks; regardless, while around someone else, I wear a mask or pull it up over my nose and mouth. Period. I dunno if I have the rona; I haven’t been tested. I don’t have health care and I don’t have the $$ to spend for a test. While I’m statistically less likely to get infected, I am middle-aged and have some health issues. I also live with my elderly mum and I have a duty of care to her. I’ve had bronchial pneumonia before; it was horrifyingly painful; it took me over a month to recover and that’s being young and healthy without any medical care at all other than Aleve, rest, and lots of water and soup. I don’t want something worse. Wearing a mask is risk reduction, like wearing a seat belt or not driving drunk—better safe than sorry.

  • Sunday, 02-Aug-20 16:53:46 UTC

    Let’s talk about protesting and Black Lives Matter and before you even read further, I wanna educate you on one >very important thing: BLACK LIVES MATTER. Now you may throw around that bullshit ALL word, but I’m just gonna nod you off with a shake and an eye-roll and say no, all lives don’t matter UNTIL BLACK LIVES MATTER; and if you continue to argue with me, I’m gonna do my best to continue to convince you because it is my duty as a white person and awkward ally that I am, I recognize and support that duty 551%; but if I see that you are being willfully obtuse simply for performance or theater, I’m walking away. I’ve dealt most of my life with racist family members who, even now, refuse to progress past that closed-minded biased/racist bullshit. I got tired of it and set up some boundaries finally for sanity and self-preservation reasons; I realized if they were gonna learn, it wasn’t gonna be thru me because I was inept at convincing them or there was the backwash of friction and history that was simply too great to overcome inadequacies; another reason is because I get emotionally reactive and rage about it—whatever, I ain’t perfect.

    Back to protesting—normally, no matter a pandemic, you would find me downtown in Raleigh marching right along side (remember Moral Mondays & Dr. Rev. Barber?) and yup, wearing a mask. On May 25, 2020, Mr. George Floyd had the rona and was murdered by a cop. Our Black brothers and sisters are more likely to be murdered by the police than the freaking ongoing pandemic and if you haven’t done your research, BIPOC are dying at extremely alarming rates in this pandemic. Now if any of that doesn’t frighten you and provoke some compassion and empathy within the four walls of that conscious of yours, YOU ARE A SOCIOPATH. By attending/equating the protest of wearing a mask to the protest of BLACK LIVES MATTER, you’ve shown who and what is more important to you, your glaring entitlement, and how apathetic and cruel you are to the welfare of others. PERIOD. So, BLACK LIVES MATTER and DEFUND THE POLICE. ✊

  • Wednesday, 05-Aug-20 13:05:08 UTC

    The videos pouring out of Beirut are horrific. Peace and love to the people of Beirut.

    On an observational note, I register generational differences when discussing disasters like Beirut with the boomer generation and I’m wondering if this is more prominent in my immediate community or is this universal? The issue? The boomer immediately appropriates the conversation to discuss a local more individualized event or tragedy and centers it around their feelings before I’ve finished the current discussion. Perhaps it’s more of that pernicious whiteness and individualism manifestations? I’m not even sure if they’re aware of this. This has happened repeatedly among boomers—all white.

    Total Confirmed Global COVID-19 Infections: 18,570,858; Global Deaths: 701,316.

  • Saturday, 08-Aug-20 16:11:22 UTC

    You’ll note a hoard of grammatical and spelling errors in this here document: They are as they is and will forever be. It is a diary. I not gonna edit it. Please don’t make me.

    Day 4 million 3 hundred 55 thousand and change: We still here. Total Global Infections: 19,425,393. Total Global Deaths: 722,303.

    The gutting of the United States Postal Service has begun under the Trump-Republican authoritarian regime. There was also something about opening up the Grand Canyon to mine uranium. Sigh.

    I’m still thinking about that Dinesh ‘Tr*mp is a cosmopolitan’ tweet. What kind of willful delusional perspective must one have to even get in the vicinity of a statement like that. After everything that has happened. It’s just bizarre & in the realm of idiotic, psychotic, etc. The lengths at which they still continue to slobber all over him is rank & diseased. Still now, it never ceases to alarm me the lengths at which they’ll go to defend the blatant cruelty & corruption. I know it shouldn’t surprise me—it does. I hope it never stops alarming me. When it does, you have my permission to yell at me. Please.

    I paint. This is a 24×24 mixed media painting. It’s titled 2016 painted in that same year. I’m gonna have to do a theme because 2020 has blown 2016 out the water and into the ether.

  • Tuesday, 11-Aug-20 16:27:11 UTC

    We live on a golf course. No, it’s not one of those big traditional modern houses with the vast green manicured lawns and a nice picket fence. It’s a puke-green duplex built probably in the seventies that needs a good gutting. The golf course is not a premo one. It, however, has it virtues for those that play, specifically old white men and few women. I rarely see BIPOC playing. There is no fence around the property and we regularly get visitors (or trespassers depending on who you ask)—all entitled white males—just walking around in our backyard like they own it looking for their hooked shots off the tee. Some even whip out their dicks and start pissing in full view of the house. Mum’s window faces the back and most of her retirement consists of playing games on her laptop and watching and listening to the birds and squirrels including the golfers. My mother, bless her heart, is a prudish creature and has this adverse overreaction to nudity and sex; so, when one of those men whip out their dicks, she, in no uncertain terms, lets me hear about—not them, ME. I tell her to come get me and I’ll yell at them, but no, she hates confrontation of any kind. Another disadvantage of living on this golf course besides the occasional dick swinging, pissing, and balls falling from the sky, are the gas-powered golf cart guzzlers that pollute the air for at least 20-30 minutes after they pass by. It’s like drowning in gas. Yet another reason to wear a mask. At the beginning of the lockdown, each cart consisted of a single golfer and had as many as five golfers thus five carts to a group. That didn’t last long. The players have been steady. The pandemic has not discouraged them. I wonder though the environmental trade-off of using all those gas guzzlers.

  • Thursday, 13-Aug-20 13:14:45 UTC

    Global infections are at 20,651,113. The United States is the highest at 5,197,749. Global deaths at 750,030. The virus has reached the suburbs. Children infected by the thousands forced to go to school or compelled to because their parents work or they don’t have enough food to eat—yes, children go to school to feed themselves because they don’t have food at home. It’s disturbing and pathetic. The United States is a shit hole country. College football seasons canceled. Republicans seem more upset about no sports than about the 166,038 deaths. It’s disgusting. I try not to loathe them so thoroughly. I fail. The destruction they have wrought demands hostility and resentment. They care more about themselves, their power, and their money than about the people in their care. Do I have anything good to say about the Democrats? Sigh. I like Kamala. I read her book and it was good. I voted for Elizabeth Warren and wanted a Warren/Harris ticket and while Kamala’s record is as progressive as Warren’s, I’m afraid she’ll allow Wall Street to walk all over her. Let’s hope not. I want Elizabeth Warren to take McConnell’s place as majority leader. I don’t want moderates to hijack and support the same neoliberal agenda that is killing us all. Then there is this: 😳

    “If Donald Trump refuses to leave office at the expiration of his constitutional term, the United States military must remove him by force, and you must give that order.”

    What a nightmare this has become.

  • Tuesday, 18-Aug-20 13:38:20 UTC

    The 2020 DNC launched last night. I’m not watching. I’m tired and I’m running on limited hope. I certainly don’t want to disabuse someone of theirs so I’ve decided to keep my mouth shut and read, write, and paint for now until I can inspire myself to have confidence in the people and the system that has given me scant lately—or ever. I do want to note the difference in the vegetation—how brilliant and expressive and bright it all is. I recall reading a science article on how the rising carbon dioxide emissions will cause a greenhouse effect and sure enough, it has. A tree nearby flowered that has never flowered before—bright orange petals peeking through leafy greens. Mushrooms popping up all around—most brown and earthy; others eye-poppingly red. Normally flowering trees that blossom and shed once summer arrives remain blooming long after, rich and heavy with color. Grass green and vivacious, lush and thick. This, of course, is a defensive mechanism in nature. There’s beauty there.

  • Thursday, 20-Aug-20 20:04:56 UTC

    The stuttering sparks of hope stirred in the night and more this morn. Let’s hope it continues to burn brighter. What fired that flame? I watched the DNC convention and it appears that the Democrats have finally taken the threat of authoritarianism seriously given the speech by our beloved President Obama. This morning that hope sparked again in the wee corners of the SDNY with the indictment of Steve Bannon, the architect of the burn-it-all-down theme. We’ll see. It, of course, didn’t last long as Speaker Pelosi went center-right, again. It’s like I said: the Democratic party seems to be transforming themselves into a conservative-libertarian party since the Republicans have gone full authoritarian. I expect this will continue and Progressives will likely have to create their own party. I am no joiner and an Independent. A Progressive party though will be hard to resist for me. We’ll see if Democracy even survives that long. Global infections: 22,511,187; Global deaths: 789,728; United States deaths: 173,798.

  • Wednesday, 26-Aug-20 14:06:59 UTC

    That hope did not last long. I’m tethered to my pragmatic cynicism due to realistic situations and prior experiences. To call it anything but pragmatic cynicism would be dishonest. The DNC convention was like watching a bunch of unicorns, puppies, and rainbows playing while trapped in a burning house. The fawning over their candidate created such repugnance within me that I just couldn’t. Even had the MSNBC announcers going on about it. My disdain for those in power reached another level these past few years. People I used to venerate have all but become tools of greed and power and an unjust system that has no plans but flattering another dear leader whilst collecting yet more money and power. It’s gross. The RNC convention is a Klan/Nazi rally. Those people are evil. I no longer hesitate when using that word to describe them—they are evil. That Dems won’t call them out while campaigning to get their votes is evidence of a broken system; not to mention examples of dubious morals and ethics. As Republicans stand in front of cameras spewing their hate while breaking laws left and right, California burns; people are still dying in the thousands daily of COVID; police are murdering and brutalizing Black people and protesters; billionaires and rich people are getting more rich and powerful; corporations are relentless in the quest for power and money urging deregulation and union busting enslaving citizens to them via late-stage capitalism; the environment and climate change worsens by the minute; and now a double hurricane churns violently in the Gulf Coast towards Texas and Louisiana. If Trump and crew get a second term, we are finished as a country—probably as a world. A hostile foreign power will come in and sweep up and freedom will be no longer because that’s exactly what Trump et al wanted—to burn it to the ground. The police state, corruption, and the oligarchy have given rise to authoritarianism in the United States and totalitarianism will eventually sweep across the globe.

    The future is bleak. Or not. [shrugs] What do I know—I’m just a college dropout.

  • Saturday, 29-Aug-20 17:58:50 UTC

    #acab. Also, rest in power, King #ChadwickBoseman #WakandaForever

  • Tuesday, 01-Sep-2020 14:53:14 UTC

    I’m reducing my Twitter time and doomscrolling down to the very minimum a day. It’s interfering in my ability to write and be creative and affecting my mental health. Also, I’m pissed at the Democrats for being a mouthpiece for rich peepo and cops. It’s the same bullshit. Of course I’m going to vote for them because of expediency and pragmatism—I fucking hate that I have to; however, that orange fascist & his evil minions will bring us all to our dooms. I’ll be grinding teeth as I do vote for the Democratic candidate (and Democrats down ballot). I don’t like him. I never have. He’s far too conservative and what he did to Anita Hill can never be forgiven. It maybe can—it would take a lot. So, I’ve spammed/unsubscribed from all the political emails and texts and will focus on writing, painting and reading. I’m still a part of the resistance; I simply need to take a step back and breathe before all the shit goes down this Fall. And, my 50th birthday is this week—Yay me. 😬 BTW, please pay attention to Louisiana. People are in dire need there. Global Cases: 25,523,948; Global Deaths: 851,572.

  • Tuesday, 01-Sep-20 22:01:34 UTC

    In season two episode four of Farscape, a ‘sinister, light-loving alien’ called a T’raltixx boards Moya ‘under the pretense of adjusting her electromagnetics to make her untraceable.’ In actuality he convinces Pilot to dial up Moya’s bioluminescence to energize him with light from pulsars and Moya while simultaneously draining Moya and Pilot but also working to turn the crew against each other by his overall affect on them. Here is the much better longer summary of the episode. Anyway, there’s a scene where the T’raltixx is wired into Moya and he screams ‘More light! I need more light! More light!’ And he keeps screaming this over and over again and I think of this scene when all of these Democrat political emails drop in my inbox asking for money. ‘Give me more money! I need more money! More money!’ And it’s nonstop probably around fifty plus emails every week at least. And I’m fucking done with it. For a group that’s supposed to be working to undo Citizen’s United, it sure ain’t working very hard at it. They all going into the spammer from now on. I’m done dealing with it.

  • Wednesday, 02-Sep-20 15:20:00 UTC

    If you avoid 24 hour news like I do but wanna keep informed besides Twitter, Rachel Maddow podcast is illuminating. Rachel is witty and asks great questions and has a great team. Her bias probably leans corporate center left in the scheme of things. She does tell real people’s stories and focuses on the victims which is something that is important and should be done more. I’m not a connoisseur of these types of shows though. I would say emphatically without a doubt that Fox ‘News’ is not News and should be classified as fascist white supremacist corruption propaganda. If there’s a shorter label for that, drop a comment below. Hear to Slay is apparently another great podcast with Dr. Roxane Gay and Dr. Tressie McMillan Cottom—two fantastic smart black women that wade through the bullshit. It’s subscription based and on my list when I save enough pennies.

  • Friday, 04-Sep-20 13:40:21 UTC

    Of the recommendations of science writers who have written extensively about COVID-19, Ed Yong of The Atlantic eclipses them all. His writing style deconstructs the complexities of the science and the sociopolitical intricacies to a clear and manageable, easily and enjoyable—despite the subject—read. Of the many essays I’ve read from the people infected with COVID-19 or those of their families, two evoked such discomfiting emotions that I immediately took a walk to recommune with nature to harmonize, readjust, and find my way out of their trauma. Leslie Jamison’s Since I Became Symptomatic and now Jesmyn Ward’s On Witness and Respair: A Personal Tragedy Followed by Pandemic. I still recoil at the hubris in the face of nature—that those apathetic to the collective suffering boast and parade their disregard with pride and enmity in the guise as a fight for liberty. That disgust I feel on their inability to find kindness in their hearts will never, ever go away. That they seize on this malice with the same glee and craze given to their despotic leader leads me to conclude that they’re in the midst of their own pandemic rabid with hate and evil, festering with the rot of ignorance and hysteria. Remember the movie 28 Days Later? Yeah, that. Danny Boyle and Alex Garland depicted it perfectly.

  • Wednesday, 09-Sep-20 20:44:59 UTC

    Well, the sky is red; the Earth burns on one end and drowns on the other; and, if that doesn’t beat all, some idiot nominated that orange monster for a peace award. I wonder if the intent was ironic. At home, I made it to the half century mark last week, which is remarkable in and of itself because I never imagined making it past 43. Welp, it’s early and the sky is red and the orange monster is unleashed, so, there’s that yet to evolve. We’ll see.

  • Friday, 11-Sep-20 13:03:33 UTC

    My weekly schedule is fairly established. I try not to vary it any. My iPhone bedtime alarm is sent Monday thru Friday at 6 AM; do not disturb on 9 PM to 9 AM every day. I make it a point not to hit snooze. I turn the alarm off completely. If I’ve had a good night’s sleep, I’ll get up; if not, I go back to sleep and wake up whenever—usually 1-2 hours later; sometimes not even that but 15-30 minutes. I used to reach for my phone and immediately start doomscrolling. I would spend an hour in bed doing that so I stopped. I also removed all Twitter notifications from my phone—for now. I have coffee and a pint glass of lemon water. Then I write—or try to till noon in silence or with music; no TV. In between all that, I have a breakfast smoothie normally around 10ish then I walk/exercise/yoga/weights for about 30-60 minutes. I drink a cup of caffeinated green tea around noonish. I take a very quick shower to wash the sweat and sunscreen off (always use sunscreen; a hard lesson I infrequently applied when I was young—PUN!). I spend about 10-20 minutes on my facial regimen; it’s meditative and relaxing. I sign on to work 12ish and stay on till 5ish; I keep an already watched TV show running in the background while working. I try to eat a light dinner from 3-5 PM then follow with a cup of decaffeinated green tea; I like to fast for at least 14-16 hours overnight every night. I spend a couple of hours relaxing, watching something new on television while playing an addictive mahjong iPhone game on and off. I take another shower because it helps me sleep; usually quick but sometimes a little longer just to indulge (I learned to take quick showers when I was a kid and much poorer because we had well water or very small water heaters so the habit of ‘don’t waste the water’ is ingrained and never really goes away). I turn the TV off then read for 2-4 hours. I try and get at least 8 hours of sleep but its impossible the older you get, especially during all this. Perimenopause wreaks havoc on my sleep schedule too. On the weekends, sometimes I keep the same schedule and sometimes I don’t or vary it just to break up the monotony, except I don’t set the alarm. I do try and watch at least two new movies a weekend. I was watching a Pixar movie a weekend on Disney+ but after watching the Toy Story movies all day one day, I kinda got burned out. I’ll start again eventually cuz I have many more to watch. Yes, I live an exciting life—other than the occasional traveling and dining out, it’s just like I like it.

  • Saturday, 12-Sep-20 17:40:30 UTC

    United States COVID19 Cases: 6,462,169
    United States COVID19 Deaths: 193,215

  • Tuesday, 15-Sep-20 18:54:38 UTC

    The latest horrifying news out of the US immigrant concentration camps is that a whistleblower has exposed that there were forced gynecological procedures including hysterectomies performed on migrant women without their consent or knowledge. Place this in another in a long line of inhumane treatment of BIPOC women at the hands of the United States government. I really got nothing more. The sheer ugliness of it is disgusting, evil, and immoral. It infuriates me. There is no rationalization of atrocities like this. You cannot say you vote for a person that does this kind of thing and then pretend you’re taking the high road. This is downright evil. You cannot claim any kind of religion and then be okay with this.

  • Thursday, 17-Sep-20 19:50:40 UTC

    The Los Angeles Times reported that ‘China’s ‘purification’ of classrooms: A new law erases history, silences teachers and rewrites books’ and I retweeted it along with ‘Authoritarianism — Totalitarianism 101 Conservatives, Evangelicals, White Supremacists love doing that here.’ It was a good read and I recommend it. Today we learn that the orange buffoon is issuing an executive decision to establish ‘patriotic education’ The thread is here. When are the reeducation camps opening? Or the Trump Youth? Open your eyes; these are right out of the Nazi, Authoritarianism, Totalitarianism, & Fascist playbooks.

    COVID-19 United States Cases: 6,657,009
    COVID-19 United States Deaths: 197,364

  • Saturday, 19-Sep-20 16:34:05 UTC

    A wonderful person and a brilliant jurist has died. I’m not sure I can place into words how much Supreme Court Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg meant to the people, especially the women, of this country. She will long be remembered as a person with grace, honor and the intellectual excellence that put many of her challengers, as well as current and former SCOTUS Justices, to shame. There will never be another like her. That her replacement will likely be filled by an inferior Trump-Republican authoritarian administration who hold very little respect for the rights of women and the marginalized, all but guarantees suppression of freedoms for decades to come, and dooms our country to even harsher oppression and austerity measures, including an inhumane theocracy that has no regard for human life as evident in their many atrocities already committed. If you thought before was bad, you lack imagination. The Handmaid’s Tales was never fiction and now seems even more probable.

    Rest in power & peace, RBG. You will be missed and we are in deep, deep trouble.

  • Monday, 21-Sep-20 16:26:19 UTC

    I’ve turned off iPhone notifications, avoiding both social media and anything news-related almost entirely. I growl at Y-chromosomes that endeavor to cross my path and double-dog-dare any Republican to engage within ten feet of me—I will burn your ass regardless of consequences. I loathe the right, their infinite hypocrisy; their faux principles claiming a counterfeit Jesus religion dressed as scantily clad moral righteousness masking evil power-hungry dogmatism and fascism. I’m furious at the Democrats and President Obama for their feckless approach to governing in valuing a bipartisanship that was and has always been historically one-sided against a party that valued power and money over principles and human life while strategically fucking us over and over infinitum. I’m livid at Bernie Bros and the left and their thinly-veiled misogyny towards Hillary Clinton and women in general and the temerity to disguise it as some kind of fabricated Democratic Socialism when it’s just another form of patriarchal subjugation. I’m raging and in no mood.

  • Tuesday, 22-Sep-20 10:19:39 UTC

    Oh the cruel and capricious tales of Jxxxxe slumlord. WWJD? Take her renters to court to evict them in the middle of a pandemic & economic depression. What a champ! Gotta love that arbitrary compassion those Jesus devotees don and pontificate yet narrowly heed; and, those oh-so-treasured historical relics of feudalism vis-à-vis late stage capitalism. Hoorah-cha-ching hashtag Jesus loves landlords!

    And yes, allow me to upend my entire schedule for a man to make his life easier because that is what all women are put on this Earth for since men are such fragile dim-witted creatures that whine about the most miniscule of things and cannot possibly live nor achieve or be the least bit capable without stepping on the back of a woman to do so. Gotta love the patriarchy. /sarcasm

  • Tuesday, 22-Sep-20 18:42:46 UTC

    No, my fury has not abated. You’ll get my wrath for a little while longer. For, at least, as long as the Republicans are cowardly enabling power-hungry bootlickers and the Democrats are feckless morons who have no plan to get us out of this hell. So, yeah, bring on the rage and if you come at me, you best not miss.

  • Monday, 28-Sep-20 18:40:22 UTC

    Coney Barrett is using & will use her gender, religion & platform to take away women’s rights period ultimately oppressing ALL women. There is no spinning that. A vote for her is a vote AGAINST women and all marginalized.

  • Monday, 05-Oct-20 16:57:58 UTC

    A neighbor put up a huge Trump flag. Even before the flag, I deduced they were Trump supporters because they appeared to be the stereotypical Trump voter. I’ll let you do your own deductions on what that looks like. Anywho, I pointed it out to someone and may have mentioned ‘white trash’. The person in question scoffed and became righteous at my use of ‘white trash’—again, I’ll let you deduce why. I said and I quote “Donald Trump is a white supremacist ergo if you support Donald Trump, you support white supremacy.” There was a ‘I don’t support him but…’ and before the but got out, I reiterated my prior statement: “Donald Trump is a white supremacist ergo if you support Donald Trump, you support white supremacy.” Today, there was a tweet: “The most chilling aspect of the last four years is knowing that 40% of this country cannot recognize evil when they see it. What’s your take?” I recommend glancing through the replies and philosophically pondering this question and others: What’s your definition of evil? Do you believe that you’re incapable of evil? Do you believe anyone is? Do you feel you have a bias when it comes to recognizing it within your own group? (i.e. family, friends, people you support or are loyal, political parties, etc.) Philosophically pondering the vagaries of good and evil is a good use of time and I urge it. Chilling to me is not only that Americans incapable of recognizing evil, some are actively supporting it (pointing at neighbor et al), while others are actively enabling this support—including one entire political party—with excuses and apologies, as well as passively enabling with complacency. There’s been an infinite number of theses that talk about why the people of Germany supported the Nazis or stood by why the Holocaust was being perpetrated within their own country and what happening now is a good example of how and why. I urge you to think seriously about this.

  • Saturday, 10-Oct-20 14:00:04 UTC

    Sometimes the influx of news is so overwhelming, one has to take a step back and sit and watch it all in silence—meditate on it till a peace envelopes. Ultimately you realize that you cannot control the situation no matter what you do; you only can control how you react to it. The Trump-GOP authoritarian regime has a negative energy at its core consuming everything it touches and then some. Its tentacles are rapid and poisonous and injurious. There is nothing it touches that it doesn’t leech into and destruct with its dehumanized harm. It erases joy and brings with it a bleakness that depletes and exhausts, shamelessly delighting in the evil and destruction it has caused. I’ve been pondering on what it means for the people living under long periods of autocrats or totalitarian societies where the hope depreciates daily or even hourly till they have no more, and, perhaps this is a reckoning of empathy to colonialism and the white supremacist capitalist patriarchy; not only a reckoning but perhaps a portent to what continuously hovers at the edge and even throughout any civil and moral society—that there are everlasting negative forces perpetually willing to commit shameless, corrupt, and unethical acts to achieve and power and supremacy and remain there and even the slightest nudge could upend it at any given time. Does the bad outweigh the good? We’ll see. In my life, I’ve had very little faith in people especially politicians or people in power. The unethical shameless dehumanized greedy power-hungry corruption of the Republicans and the ineffective irresolute centrism of the Democrats left me with a bad taste for both parties long ago. I most align with and vote for Democrats, yet, over time, they’ve become impotent and aimless failing to direct and administer progressive policies while the Republicans purposely continue to eliminate and reduce what little agency we have or ever had. I may not be giving Democrats the benefit of the doubt—no matter because basically, what it comes down to is that I have to have faith in them; I have to trust that they will be our superheroes; that they will overcome those poisonous power-hungry tentacles of corruption and shove through, destroying the ugliness of fascism to deliver freedom and joy and morality and ethics and fairness and ultimately, humanity. Because right now? The only thing the Trump-GOP authoritarian regime is bringing is death and destruction; they are the true anarchists. So, we have to hope the Democrats are our heroes. Or else? …

  • Wednesday, 21-Oct-20 13:40:51 UTC

    I did not watch any of Amy Coney Barrett’s confirmation hearings. I did, however, read the summaries. That the GOP chose to replace such a brilliant jurist with such a mediocre inexperienced one proves intent in that this a political power move bent on not only disenfranchising voters by keeping a minority rule but also removing those same voters’ freedoms. As Mark Joseph Stern tweeted: “…tonight’s order from the Supreme Court is terrifying. Four conservative justices supported a radical theory that would empower state legislatures to violate election laws and engage in voter suppression with impunity. Only Roberts balked.” Coney Barrett considers herself an originalist in regards to the constitution. When asked what that meant, she replied: “That means that I interpret the Constitution as a law, that I interpret its text as text, and I understand it to have the meaning that it had at the time people ratified it. So that meaning doesn’t change over time. And it’s not up to me to update it or infuse my own policy views into it.” The problem with constitutional originalism is that she wouldn’t be a jurist or even allowed to vote if she truly believed that. As Ron Charles best put it: “And what are we to make of her professed reverence for ‘the meaning that it had at the time people ratified it’? Barrett’s description, popular among wistful conservatives, assumes that the meaning of the Constitution was once self-evident, stable and universally agreed upon. But none of those conditions is or was ever true. When we read, we can’t exclude the subjective act of interpretation because that’s what reading is. In Barrett’s fantastical framing, the judge’s role is merely to open the Constitution like a metal box and remove the immutable gold coins stored within. If language were such a system, we wouldn’t have to interpret it, and we wouldn’t need judges. We would merely carry things around and hold them up: ‘rock,’ ‘egg,’ ‘chair.’ Originalism is just a slick rhetorical maneuver to privilege one’s own views as objectively primary. To use a technical legal term: That’s poppycock.” It is more imperative than ever that we increase the number of SCOTUS judges. Why? Democracy is at stake. As I’ve stated repeatedly: Coney Barrett is using & will use her gender, religion & platform to take away women’s rights period ultimately oppressing ALL women. A vote for her is a vote AGAINST women and all marginalized.

    Worldwide COVID cases: 40,886,174; Deaths: 1,126,379
    US COVID cases: 8,275,249; Deaths: 221,083

  • Friday, 30-Oct-20 11:54:34 UTC

    I voted on Wednesday the 28th in the early AM. Early voting started at 8AM in a large church about 5-10 minutes away by car. I got there about 7:45AM. There were about 10 people in line in front of me—all white. The line was outdoors with simple blue and red hashtag marks for social distancing. Signs asked everyone to be courteous and wear masks—all complied. An elderly gentlemen distributed new black and grey pens wrapped in plastic that read I voted in the 2020 election #YourVoteCountsNC. They were cheap; I doubt I’ll ever use mine again it was so bad. I read Isabel Wilkerson’s The Warmth of Other Suns on my kindle while waiting (in 2016 I stood in line for at least 1-2 hours and listened to Jonathan Franzen’s Freedom audio book and voted for Hillary Clinton). They opened promptly at 8AM and the line moved quickly. I got in about five after. The room was medium to large with vaulted ceilings so there was plenty of ventilation though the elderly woman that showed me to a booth whose job it was to wipe down all the booths after use kept hovering over my shoulder. There were about 10-20 booths; about 10-15 volunteers—wearing masks and shields; possibly more; I wasn’t really counting. I voted for Joe Biden and Kamala Harris, Cal Cunningham, Roy Cooper, Josh Stein and all Democrats. I did not vote for any Republicans. When there were only Republicans running, I left it blank. I’m in a predominantly red conservative fairly well-off white suburb of Charlotte, North Carolina—not purposely; this is where my elderly boomer mother lives and I have to live with her; I would never have chosen this area for myself to live and we are definitely not rich; not even middle-class. Our neighborhood is filled with old duplexes and townhouses and an ethnic mix of white, black and Hispanic people. There are no children here; they are predominantly middle-aged to elderly and most likely middle-class. There is one younger white woman that lives in a townhouse across from us that owns two cars and apparently works in the medical field. She has rarely been home since the pandemic started. There are the Trump-flying-flag neighbors—and 3 US flags too—who have a classic diesel truck (that obnoxiously spews a horrendous amount of pollutants; the amount where you have to cover your mouth and nose and makes your eyes water) with a small biz logo with Christ in the name on the side; they are, of course, white and elderly; the woman is a bleach blond; they are apparently building a house close by while living here. There is a middle-aged black woman and her young adult black mildly autistic son who moved here from AL so he could go to NASCAR school—whatever that is; her husband still lives in AL and owns a small biz. There is a middle-aged woman and her toddler (I forget about that kid). There is a white man and his black wife with a Buddha statue; he’s in tech and works from home; they have two dogs; she made us the wonderful masks back when this all started; she has gorgeous hair and drives an older BMW convertible and rocks to some fantastic tunes; they are like us: Introverts; I have more in common with them than anyone here. There is a younger Arab-American gentleman who works on cars and another Hispanic-American; we don’t see much of them; they work a lot. There is a white middle-aged male pro fisherman; another white middle-aged couple—she works at a grocery store. When this pandemic began, the battery died in mom’s car so she asked the Trump flying-flag neighbors for a jump; they did and were kind about it. Mom indicated though that the woman had a tendency to get too close moving into her personal space. The rest are white; we hardly see them. A few have been working from home since the pandemic began and rarely venture out. The only political signs is the Trump one.

    Worldwide COVID cases: 45,148,790; Deaths: 1,182,908
    US COVID cases: 8,947,980; Deaths: 228,677

  • Tuesday, 03-Nov-20 16:03:51 UTC

    It’s election day. I barely slept last night. Was up and down and tossed and turned all night long. I’ve been avoiding spending lots of time and energy on the news and twitter for sanity and health reasons. I will avoid watching tonight and steer clear of that damn NY Times election needle for the rest of my life I was so traumatized and triggered by it in the 2016 election. At this time in 2016, I was confident that HRC was gonna win and thanks to the misogynists of the world, she did not. I will never forgive them for that. It will take a very long time to forgive those people that voted for DJT, if ever. They are complicit in his crimes and what has happened. Even now after the litany of unethical and immoral transgressions, people are still voting for him and they are complicit in those iniquities. Of that I am 551% positive. You cannot look at the long list of atrocities that DJT and his autocratic regime have committed and say that you are a compassionate or moral or ethical person while continuing to support and vote for him. That is enabling and being complicit in those atrocities. If you dare think otherwise than you’re either stupid or naïve or simply do not care. If you insist that abortion is absolute for you than you are choosing a petri dish full of non sentient cells over actual living breathing human beings and are stupid as fuck not to mention vile as you are refusing women their bodily autonomy; would you do the same for men? And if you spout something about socialism than you are an idiot and a fool.

    Worldwide COVID cases: 47,015,234; Deaths: 1,208,455
    US COVID cases: 9,297,353; Deaths: 231,599

  • Saturday, 07-Nov-20 20:23:37 UTC

    WE WIN, MOTHERFUCKERS! 💃🏼 Drink those tears! #BidenHarris2020

  • Saturday, 14-Nov-20 17:40:58 UTC

    We’ve watched over this past week as Trump voters aka loyalists continued to throw themselves on the Trump-Republican autocratic regime’s funeral pyre. What’s concerning is that not only are they going up in flames, so is the Republic and our democracy. I reflected on how brainless and evil and foolish 73 million people could possibly be voting for that man and his destruction, but I distinctly recall the 2004 election so I know how many stupid Americans there are and they’ll continue to be willfully obtuse or cruelly unjust. So, yay, we have our new old white male savior and Mitch fucking McConnell is still there so how much change do you expect there’ll be? Moderate agitators continue to beat their drums within the Democratic party. White males ask why some of us are so miserable—peak white privilege. There are six conservative judges on SCOTUS; there are a record-breaking number of hurricanes; police and military are filled with white supremacists; there are 244k covid deaths and cases are skyrocketing; and as I wrote earlier, Mitch fucking McConnell is still in the Senate, so, no, I’m not really feeling ecstatic or hopeful especially since the Trump-Republicans are instigating a possible coup.

    Worldwide COVID cases: 53,661,954; Deaths: 1,307,068
    US COVID cases: 10,794,102; Deaths: 244,671

  • Thursday, 19-Nov-20 17:29:29 UTC

    Going on day…I dunno, I’ve lost count on how many days that the Trump-Republican autocratic regime are refusing to concede and attempting a coup—as pathetic as it is, it is still a coup. People are dismissing and laughing off this coup believing it won’t happen; I am skeptical and don’t easily dismiss it. Why? If you’ve ever lived with a narcissist, you would certainly understand. They’re not so easily deterred and Republicans want to keep power no matter what laws they break or have broken and no matter who gets hurt. They’ve already gone passed the point of no return.

    Peanut Butter, toilet paper and cinnamon are hard to find as the spike intensifies. I don’t go out. My elderly boomer mum though doesn’t like to sit at home and does most of the shopping. She tells me she wears her mask and is careful. I told her I would go out; she insists otherwise. I’m tired; I don’t argue anymore; it does no good.

    I’m reading Pale Rider by Laura Spinney about the 1918 flu and it’s pretty damn good. In what is apropos, it appears history is once again repeating itself: “Most of the death occurred in the thirteen weeks between mid-September and mid-December 1918.” This is a riveting book and terrifying. What I love is that Spinney focuses on the world and not just white people. This on Brazil: “On 12 October, the day that the flu spread through the elegant guests at the Club dos Diàrios, the satirical magazine Careta (Grimace) expressed a fear that the authorities would exaggerate the danger posed by this mere limpa-velhos–killer of old people–to justify imposing a ‘scientific dictatorship’ and violating people’s civil rights. The press portrayed the director of public health, Carlos Seidl, as a dithering bureaucrat, and politicians rubbished his talk of microbes travelling through the air, insisting instead that ‘dust from Dakar could come this far’. The epidemic was even nicknamed ‘Seidl’s evil’. By the end of October, when half a million cariocas–more than half the population–were sick, there were still those among Rio’s opinion-makers who doubted the disease was flu.” Sound familiar?

    Worldwide COVID cases: 56,561,918; Deaths: 1,354,780
    US COVID cases: 11,573,758; Deaths: 251,029

  • Saturday, 21-Nov-20 02:19:59 UTC

    In honor of Ali and all my transgender brothers and sisters, I fully support and honor and believe in a just and equal life for you and pledge my complete assistance, backing, encouragement, and blessings into helping and supporting the transgender community in any way I can. Transgender Awareness Week and Transgender Day of Remembrance and the Transgender community will always hold a special place in my life, my heart, my stories, and on this blog. Peace and love. 💙💚💛🧡💜

  • Tuesday, 01-Dec-20 14:43:48 UTC

    A healthcare pawn broker (whatever that is) showed up at my elderly mother’s home without a mask in the middle of a pandemic to sell her health insurance. She sent him away. I still cannot believe the nerve to show up at someone’s home selling healthcare insurance without a mask at the height of a pandemic. The stupid is too much.

    Worldwide COVID cases: 63,584,030; Deaths: 1,475,412
    US COVID cases: 13,619,981; Deaths: 269,348

  • Tuesday, 08-Dec-20 00:18:05 UTC

    Rumor has it thru the barbed wire of fam that a millennial cuz went on an 8-day hunger strike and spent several days in an elderly tree so it would not be butchered. An admirable and worthy yet ineffectual feat knowing the perpetrators of the slaughter as I do and given their history. My dear, this war is a marathon not a sprint. Take care of yourself and choose your battles wisely and strategically. You are needed in the campaigns ahead. Don’t let them kill you before the real battle begins.

    On asked what could I have presently (besides a treadmill for myself or a new car/house/laptop/iPhone for me mum) if cost were immaterial: Lasik surgery (after the pandemic, of course). Why? So in the upcoming wars I can wield both my swords, my guns and my daggers and not have my glasses fall off my face. Also, presently, when wearing a mask, my glasses fog. It is annoying. Then there is that age thing where the nearsighted and farsighted converge and render optics even fuzzier—tedious. I haven’t had new glasses or contacts in over ten years because I cannot afford them and it is annoying. Being poor is awful.

    P.S. Addendum—To the idiots that imbibe the copious amount of bullshit conspiracy theories online in the form of…well, bullshit, I was kidding about ‘wars’ and ‘battles’ and such; metaphors seemed to be lost to the realms of the literal lately. Alas, if you need something to fantasize about, how about you read a book in my favorites list and we can start a discussion there, eh?

    Worldwide COVID cases: 67,516,683; Deaths: 1,543,027
    US COVID cases: 14,923,247; Deaths: 283,568

  • Thursday, 17-Dec-20 20:48:06 UTC

    I finished Pale Rider. Remember that saying on BSG: ‘All this happened before and all this will happen again’? Yup, that. It’s a great informative read and I’ll write a review soon. Here’s a sampling of the many quotes that hit me in the gut:

    “The Spanish flu is remembered personally, not collectively. Not as a historical disaster, but as millions of discrete, private tragedies.”

    “The African historian Terence Ranger pointed out in the early 2000s that such a condensed event requires a different storytelling approach. A linear narrative won’t do; what’s needed is something closer to the way that women in southern Africa discuss an important event in the life of their community. ‘They describe it and then circle around it,’ Ranger wrote, ‘constantly returning to it, widening it out and bringing into it past memories and future anticipations.’”

    “Finding that the world grew cooler in the late Roman era, for example, they suggest that the Plague of Justinian–a pandemic of bubonic plague that killed approximately 25 million people in Europe and Asia in the sixth century AD–led to vast tracts of farmland being abandoned and forests growing back. Trees extract carbon dioxide from the atmosphere, and this reforestation led to so much of the gas being sequestered in wood that the earth cooled (the opposite of the greenhouse effect we are witnessing today).”

    “The Little Ice Age was probably the last time a human disease affected the global climate, however. Though there would be other pandemics, the gradual mechanisation of farming, combined with the exponential growth of the world’s population, meant that even the deaths of tens of millions of farmers could leave no dent in the atmosphere–at least not one that palaeoclimatologists have been able to detect.”

    “In the nineteenth century, epidemics were still regarded–like earthquakes–as acts of God. Germ theory forced people to consider the possibility that they could control them, and this revelation brought another new set of ideas into play: the theory of evolution that Charles Darwin had introduced in his On the Origin of Species (1859). When Darwin had talked about natural selection, he had not meant his ideas to be applied to human societies, but his contemporaries did just that, giving birth to the ‘science’ of eugenics. Eugenicists believed that humanity comprised different ‘races’ that competed for survival. The fittest thrived, by definition, while the ‘degenerate’ races ended up living in poverty and squalor because they lacked drive and self-discipline. This line of thinking now dovetailed insidiously with germ theory: if the poor and the working classes also suffered disproportionately from typhus, cholera and other killer diseases, then that too was their fault, since Pasteur had taught that such diseases were preventable.”

    “People said the Spanish flu had a smell, as of musty straw. ‘I never smelt anything like it before or since,’ recalled one nurse. ‘It was awful, because there was poison in this virus.’”

    “People reported dizziness, insomnia, loss of hearing or smell, blurred vision. Flu can cause inflammation of the optic nerve, and one well-documented effect of that is impaired colour vision. Many patients remarked, on regaining consciousness, how washed out and dull the world appeared to them–as if those cyanosed faces had drained all the colour from it. ‘Sitting in a long chair, near a window, it was in itself a melancholy wonder to see the colourless sunlight slanting on the snow, under a sky drained of its blue,’ wrote American survivor Katherine Anne Porter, in her autobiographical short story Pale Horse, Pale Rider.”

    Worldwide COVID cases: 74,724,989; Deaths: 1,657,706
    US COVID cases: 17,147,174; Deaths: 309,859

  • Friday, 18-Dec-20 20:01:31 UTC

    Here be dragons.

    An ode to 2020 and to the fuckers.

    Worldwide COVID cases: 75,334,482; Deaths: 1,669,577
    US COVID cases: 17,326,926; Deaths: 312,219

  • Saturday, 19-Dec-20 17:06:05 UTC

    I don’t wanna sound paranoid but think of the planning and time period involved in attacking a Democratic country nowadays and what a perfect opportunity our enemies would have to do it presently. There are strategically placed enemy assets in the highest agencies in the government and they’ve weakened those agencies across the board by removing experienced professionals, regulations and funding from all them; a significant portion of the electorate—including Fox ‘News’—has been indoctrinated into this anti-democratic cult and are eager and willing participants; we are a police state; there is a pandemic killing large portions of our citizenry and debilitating and hospitalizing thousands more; there are instituted lockdowns in place because of the pandemic; our leaders are currently weak, cowardly, self-centered and extremely greedy; the ruling class will save themselves at the cost of the rest of us other plebs; our infrastructure is crumbling in so many ways than just the one; a disorganized chaotic transition of power between leaders places National Security at risk; and now those enemies have infiltrated and embedded themselves within our computer networks. So, when I write here be dragons, this is what I’m alluding to. What do I know though—I’m just a female and a college dropout with an active imagination. Perhaps that’s what the ruse is—or through—to facilitate a movement to the right and eventually to an anti-democratic state. Neither one of those are mutually exclusive; both can be factual at once. The externalized enemies can still be used against us internally. Never forget that.

    Democrats continue to move right regardless of Joe’s cabinet picks. It’s eye-rollingly annoying. Since Republicans have blown up their own party with autocratic demagogues, Dems began to welcome them and their principles disguised as moderates into their own as a new sorta neoliberal world order. The ‘establishment’ rhetoric is starting to make lots of sense now. I’m ready to join a Progressive party as long as it is not a masquerade and progressive in name only.

    Worldwide COVID cases: 75,948,627; Deaths: 1,680,283
    US COVID cases: 17,503,396; Deaths: 314,305

  • Monday, 21-Dec-20 20:20:50 UTC

    The disgust I’m feeling at the US government right now is immense. While the ruling class profits, the working class suffers. The richest country in the world and we’re reduced to this: $600. I’m so disgusted. I’m never giving any more money to politicians. Ever.

    Worldwide COVID cases: 77,154,056; Deaths: 1,698,768
    US COVID cases: 17,923,881; Deaths: 318,563

  • Sunday, 27-Dec-20 16:15:46 UTC

    Happy Holidays, she says while yawning. Thinking more and more about the levels of poverty. I am in a lower privileged poverty position—one that I will delve into more detail in later posts; needless to say, I am fortunate, but if my mother dies, I’m screwed and that’s after helping to take care of both my grandmother and my mother. I recall a tweet that went viral not long ago about oldest daughters forming a union—I am all in. The burden that falls on those taking care of the older persons in the family is substantial and it is usually the eldest adult children. I ask that you please think about that. Here’s hoping you and yours are healthy, have a safe and reasonably peaceful place to live or stay (if so desired; some love the chaos of a big fam or lotsa noise), have good books or fine entertainment to read and watch, enough food to eat, and that, most of all, are healthy.

    Worldwide COVID cases: 80,467,041; Deaths: 1,759,907
    US COVID cases: 18,990,107; Deaths: 332,013

  • Friday, 01-Jan-21 19:14:31 UTC

    Lately, other than working, my time has been spent reading novels—specifically historical romance novels—watching tv, and thinking about a number of things. After watching Bridgerton then following the fandom down a rabbit hole of otherness and learning about such and such (see this post), I am pondering the concept of power and agency, love and optimism. Today, while walking, I listened to a wonderful podcast on Ted Radio Hour titled How to Citizen with Baratunde Thurston joining Manoush and it was really, really good. I need to listen again so I can recall my ideas during the podcast; I have these fantastic revelatory ideas while walking and listening to Ted Radio Hour, but as soon as I get back to write them down, they’re gone—poof! Hate it. Specifically, I was thinking how this podcast relates to some of the things I wrote about in this Bridgerton review; I’ll re-listen, collect my thoughts and turn them into some kind of coherent (or not) essay or words soon. In the meantime, I suggest you read and listen and ponder power and agency on your own. May 2021—the year of the ox—be more merciful to humanity than 2020 was.

    Worldwide COVID cases: 83,752,757; Deaths: 1,823,445
    US COVID cases: 20,037,736; Deaths: 346,687

  • Sunday, 03-Jan-21 17:27:42 UTC

    Recommending two feel-good things: one, Soul on Disney+—it is fabulous; the music is as beautiful as the story; be sure and listen during the credits; Soul will make you laugh and cry, be content and thankful (given the title, it does have mildly religious overtones but works to facilitate them into a milder co-exist form or as they stated ‘rebranding’); and two, another Ted Radio Hour titled Making Sense of 2020, which features author Laura Spinney, the writer of Pale Rider, the book I have yet to review but did read and found apropos, highly informative and fascinating. Both of these things will hopefully shake off some melancholy. Enjoy. ❣️

    Worldwide COVID cases: 84,793,806; Deaths: 1,838,982
    US COVID cases: 20,45,310; Deaths: 350,357

  • Saturday, 09-Jan-21 17:04:37 UTC

    Well, this is where I write I FUCKING TOLD YOU SO. I watched a fascist right-wing coup incited by President Trump and the GOP overtake the Capitol and try and subvert a free and fair Democratic election live on my screen in real-time. This is only gonna get worse when right-wing Republicans continue to perpetuate & amplify lies and foment violence. We have screamed and yelled until we were hoarse telling everyone that the kind of thing that happened on Wednesday in the Capitol—the fascist violent insurrection and coup of the Capitol by Trump & GOP loyalists in order to overturn a free and fair Democratic election—would happen and it did. I doubt it will stop given American history and the violent history of anti-Semites and white supremacists and don’t be mistaken, the GOP is a broken party with the ideology of white supremacists and anti-Semitic power-hungry individuals at the forefront, and what they are doing is wrong; very, very wrong. This is not a bipartisanship issue; it is the difference between right and wrong and if they cannot see this then they are a part of the problems. I fully support the immediate removal of Trump and the GOP lawmakers that continue to perpetuate the lies about the election—still. I hate to use this tired cliché: They are throwing fuel on an already out of control fire. My thoughts are here on Twitter; I tweeted while watching. I’m furious; I’m worried; I don’t think it is over; I don’t think it will be over when Joe and Kamala take office; I’m concerned that LEO MGMT will use this as an excuse to demand more money and rules for an already overfunded and incompetent, highly abusive police state; I hate that the Chinese government is using this as an excuse to justify their totalitarian abuse, coercion, and oppression of Hong Kong. I’m tired. All that and I’ve been ill the last 2 weeks. I dunno if it’s covid or perimenopause or something even worse combined with covid—who knows. Be safe, y’all.

    Worldwide COVID cases: 89,264,711; Deaths: 1,919,740
    US COVID cases: 21,978,182; Deaths: 370,119

  • Monday, 11-Jan-21 21:44:45 UTC

    I ain’t kidding, these #NoFlyList tweets are my latest high.

    Worldwide COVID cases: 90,724,811; Deaths: 1,940,593
    US COVID cases: 22,529,399; Deaths: 375,350

© 2020-2021 Matilda London/Pamela Gay Mullins

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