Pandemic Diary—On Things

On the pandemic: The pandemic is ongoing. Please take precautions. Apparently, monkeypox and polio are now health emergencies—thank you, anti-vaxxers; your compassion and dedication to society are unequaled. Wear your mask, please, and continue to be fastidious about cleanliness. Why? Because you live in a society with other people. It is likely we will feel the effects of the pandemic for years to come. There is documented precedent for this from the 1918 pandemic. I recommend Pale Fire. It is a good read. 

On writing: I’ve been dragging creatively. I had a successful writing schedule—up at 6AM writing till work at 10ish, but that seems to have hit the skids when my sleeping schedule became erratic. I wake up at 3AMish and read for 2-3 hours nightly. When this happens, I get sleepy around 5-6AMish. I cannot seem to escape it and if there is anything I’ve learned is that as you get older, you take sleep at any opportunity you can. Sleep is a must have in order to be healthy. I began to devise a different strategy on The Mirror of Me with an altered and unique development from one of its narrators. This has definitely piqued my creative curiosity to a degree that had become apathetic to the story prior. I’m now stoking my excitement to see where it will take me and finding time to write while working. I’m eager to share it. 

On democracy: Hohum. The rich elite and aristocracy, as well as the corporations, are siding with the fascists because they refuse to pay more taxes or living wages or provide for any progressive social benefit programs whatsoever. Jerome Powell and the Feds are forcing inflation and austerity down our throats to subjugate and exploit the lower classes for labor. This will heighten fascism. They will impose this neofascist autocracy or oligarchy if you will, to exact their exploitation. The Republican party is riddled with this disease. Their very essence is a stained brand. Democrats, according to Biden’s half-assed weak speech on ‘the soul of democracy’, continue to be delusional about this make-believe non-partisanship or diplomacy with Republicans. It will never happen. Please, prove me wrong. 

On health and menopause: Have the bread and wheat manufacturers in this country destroyed the overall gastrointestinal tracts by adding extra gluten or immunoreactive proteins to enhance taste? Apparently, more study is needed. I’m sure that combining whatever they’ve done with a poor diet and industrialized pollutants have altered our bodies for the worse. Over the past couple of months, I’ve had two separate incidents that left me sick so badly I thought I was dying. Who knows, I probably still could be—sooner rather than later. One such incident was so bad, it triggered an anxiety attack that left me hyperventilating and so stressed, I paced the floor attempting to catch my breath and curtail the effects. In both cases, gluten, beef, and dairy contributed to this. I’m positive menopause assisted. I’ve removed beef from my diet entirely. I’ve limited dairy and chicken and increased beans, fish and greens. I’ve had to increase my digestive enzymes, probiotics and a much softer diet to offset the pain and symptoms. Advice? Start preparing for menopause early in life with a good diet—it will save you lots of grief and pain later in life. 

On Yellowstone: I loved the discussion about this show with Tressie and put my thoughts on Twitter here. I love reading Dr. Cotton’s writing. Someone asked me what I meant by that scene I referenced on Twitter and my contradictory feelings—we grew up poor. When my dad got a cheap piece of property back on a hill in West Virginia, he put up a no trespassing sign. In this country, if you’re poor, the entitled—the rich and the authorities or TPTB—do not care if you have your meager insignificant property if you’re a no one; they will trespass and bully and throw around their power and privilege while you helplessly watch incapable of doing nothing. My dad was constantly being assailed by the WV Staties also known as the WV State Police, though, not as much or as violent as black and brown folks. He was threatened and intimidated and terrorized more times than not. My dad didn’t suffer bullies so he adapted and befriended those he could, which ultimately didn’t help him in the end. They still showed up constantly looking to pick a fight or throw dad in jail. Kevin Costner’s character is in no way like my dad (though if he was rich, he very well could’ve been). That man has power so when he confronted those foreign tourists with a shotgun, I was furious then there was the bear so I’m thinking is he trying to protect them or himself and his liabilities? Then the cringiest, most vile thing came out of his mouth when he was confronted with his avarice: “This is America. We don’t share land here.” Reader, the embarrassment and shame I felt as an American when he spewed that shit made me nauseous. Of course, I could hear my dad, if he were still alive, my brother, or any of my family members, all white and along various classes, cheering that kind of noxious nonsense on. And yet, I have contradictory feelings still. We live on a golf course here in North Carolina. We rent. The duplex is old and while far nicer than some of the places we lived in the past, is still insignificant to the bourgeoisie and upper class golfers that traipse into our yard daily fetching their balls—some of them even whipping out their cocks and pissing in full view of my mom’s window. Now, some would say if a person lives on a golf course, they should expect the lack of privacy it affords. Should it though? Do you think those same men are stumbling into the $800k+ homes’ backyards? Like I said, contradictory feelings. That show definitely gives you things to philosophize on. One final note about the show—I believe the snubbing is purposeful and TPTB know that purposefully snubbing the show gives their intended and preferred audience more ‘blame liberal Hollywood’ propaganda fodder needed to keep a certain social order in place. 

On reading: I have several book reviews in mind coming soon.

On podcasts: I do have many thoughts about some podcasts I’ve recently heard. 

On music: Renaissance is a drug. I cannot get enough of it. 

On Art: There is an unfinished oil ocean, beach, cliff scene on my easel that I have yet to finish. My focus lately has been nail art and while I keep my nails short and real, I’m still enjoying playing with all the different colors and most definitely enjoying all the nail art. I’m also getting into stamping; it’s not as easy as it seems. I never was one to spend much time on my nails or toes, but menopause has destroyed my nails so it has become a necessity. I’ll share some images soon. 

On my birthday weekend: Oh yeah, happy birthday to me. Thanks for the birthday wishes. 

© 2022 Matilda London/Pamela Gay Mullins

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