Dear Diary—Diaries, Parenting, Freedom

Apparently, I’m not supposed to label this a diary post because why would I write if I thought people would be reading it and do I think Anne Frank thought someone was going to be reading her diary? This person has not known the authenticity of the writing experience in that true writing, as well as art, becomes a spiritual liberation, but as with any art, it always comes with so many risks. 

As a queer woman, we know that our lives, as well as our bodies, are not our own. Privacy has never really been a privilege or a freedom that we can safely flaunt without risks. Each act leaves us vulnerable and exposed. He assumes that our diaries are private when we know from experience that every facet of our lives becomes control fodder for corrupt autocratic powers and that the simple act of exposure proves peril, whereas not to chance exposure leaves little room for freedom and progress. 

The good kind of progress where people have freedom and rights without censure.  

Why do you think the powers that be loathe social media and wish to suppress social democracy, civil liberties, and liberalism? Remind me again, where does the word liberation derive? Why do you think incompetent space boy took that lovely bird app and turned it into a shit show in the name of free speech? Why do you think Republicans are banning books, embracing censorship, suppressing bodily autonomy, and denouncing liberal? Do you think all that suppression will stop there? I don’t think the people that espouse Orwellian truly have read any Orwell, or if they have, they do not truly comprehend it and believe that it will ultimately not impact their lives. Perhaps they embrace the adage not for me but for thee thinking that those corrupt autocratic powers will not come for them? 

We’ll see, I suppose. That kind of oppression never ends well. For anyone. 

Here is your daily lesson in humility: It is not always about you. This writing is mine—my spiritual liberation, my legacy of creativity, my vulnerability and uncertainty, my act of courage and rebellion, my exercise in wisdom or lack thereof, and my stories. I don’t care if I have readers or not—I am a wallflower so I most certainly would rather not; perhaps a quiet few. When I’m painting on a canvas, I’m not thinking of who might view it and what other people may say about it—I don’t care. When I am painting my fingernails, I’m not wondering if someone else might find it pretty or mediocre or that my cuticles are horrendous (they are)—it is all for me. When I write a line of poetry, it is all about me, me, me. If that makes me sound like the most egotistical person in the world, so be it. I’ve found that it is only through writing about me me me that I truly find humanity and compassion for humanity and myself. 

There is a video going around social media where a man is interviewing one of those M*GA moms at one of their cult meetings conventions and she is complaining about teachers wanting to teach empathy. EMPATHY. At first, I thought it was satire, but I’m not sure it is since satire and irony died the moment that orange clown came down that escalator. 

Listen, some of y’all are having some type of spiritual schism. I know a lot of people need a god or gods and some kind of religion or faith because they cannot get by without it. I understand this and if I didn’t have any compassion and EMPATHY, I would not recognize and accept that, but I do. I concede that some people need that symbology and mythological buffer to fall back on in hard times—that hope, if you will, and a guide or moral compass to point towards. To take that choice away from people would be a mistake and definitely not conducive to a free and fair society. But, some of y’all’s god(s) are god(s) of hate, greed, inequality, bigotry, misogyny, and oppression. Your moral compass has gone awry and those children y’all think you are protecting will rebel if you continue to freakishly control and force your amoral dogmas onto them. You must let them go and allow them to find and choose their own paths even if it is not one of your choosing. Trust their choices because IT IS NOT ABOUT YOU. 

A lot of y’all have made yourselves unhealthy dictatorial god-like figures in your children’s eyes and lives and inflict such nuanced damage and cruelty onto them and their choices that you do lasting damage not only to your kid but to all kids and society in general—this, usually in the name of protection and faith. No, I’m not a parent, but I was a kid and I had a parent. All her choices for me and my brother were everything to do with and about her and very very few to do about us. When you, as a parent, make choices to restrict, censure, or ban certain things from your children’s lives, you do it to all kids and a society driven towards the intolerant, limited, ungenerous, narrow-minded, unhealthy, and lacking for everyone. Y’all realize that you are a guide to these little people you have created not a god? Is free will not a thing anymore in the Christian community? Y’all’s moral compass is not pointing towards the god or gods of compassion and empathy and equality and fairness; it is pointing towards something ugly and insidious within yourselves that is virulently spreading into the community; a community based on freedom—on liberation. Remind me again where that word is derived?? It is time for you to look at the vast sprawling forest and not just at the trees in your own yard cause that blight is infecting us all. 

Maybe y’all want little mini-mes to infect humanity writ large and that is your purpose for being here—to infect humanity. Whatever. Y’all are just fucking with mine and a lot of people’s freedoms and need a good smack down. Assholes. 

Podcasts I recommend: 

  • The Philosopher Wants Liberals to Take Political Power Seriously – This was fascinating and a lot of her concepts are worthy of consideration.
  • The ‘Quiet Catastrophe’ Brewing in our Social Lives – I was not the audience for this podcast and I didn’t recognize it in myself, at all. I definitely recognize other people, but I am not one of them. I am one where if I need company, I will go in search of it but normally I am actively and forcefully protecting my solitude as others intrusively pollute it with their unnecessary and inane gibberish and presence. My mother practically chases me into the bedroom with it. She spends hours upon hours on the phone with my aunt almost daily then insists she is an introvert. When Sheila Liming talked about missing small talk?? No, no way. That is bizarre to me and not the reality I inhabit. Nope. No way. Absolutely not. *shudder* Small talk hurts my brain. It physically pains me in ways that I cannot put into words right now. Just no. 
  • Matthew Desmond on America’s Addiction to Poverty was brilliant and a must listen. The book is on my kindle and I look forward to reading it but y’all definitely need to listen to this episode. 
  • Amicus with Dahlia Lithwick is always spot on and a fantastic listen. 
  • Why We Can’t Give Up On Persuasion with Sean Illing and Anand Giridharadas is another must listen. 

Some male podcasters—or males in general, most likely the source of all these societal spiritual schisms—are having a spiritual crisis and convinced they are religious self-help preachers and lapse into this when they talk about philosophy. I do wish they would stop. When they eschew that breach in podcaster ethics then they can impart some wisdom without all the preachy and oftentimes inaccurate religious undertones or lessons that serve no real purpose but to exacerbate the situation and annoy the fuck out of me and lots of others. Maybe this is their own spiritual journey that they are sharing with the masses and not some narcissistic rant to garner their own autocratic fiefdom inhabited by automaton drones that do nothing but praise and shield from criticisms? Something males are apparently very sensitive to, criticisms? Perhaps this should be a more solitary spiritual journey with a pen, paper, nature, and some old fashioned solitude with some Yo-Yo Ma in the background? Maybe even a blog? I highly recommend it. 

Until next time.

© 2023 Matilda London/Pamela Gay Mullins

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